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05 November, 2014

Stories of Hope & Survival: Day 12

The final straw was the day of my birthday in 2010. Things had been very strained in the house and words had already been said. This then escalated to me being physically abused and ending up having to get the police and ambulance to attend the house.

The afternoon was spent in A&E department, me in one cubicle, him in another but the hospital made me sit there with him at times because they needed me to answer questions about him as he went silent.

With all of this going on I still felt that I had to help my ex-husband out and just thought it was mental health issues. He was taken to a mental health rehab centre and stayed for a few days. I will never forget that day, or my birthday. Yes, I can put it to the back of my mind now.

When he was released I did not want him back in the marital home because of my own and my son’s safety. One big problem had arisen, I had to let him back into the marital home but did not want him there, but by law I had to. Things where not good with him back there. I realised enough was enough!!!!

So, I decided to speak to the Police and make a statement and have photos taken of my injuries and have him charged. Then he could not come back.

Weeks and months went past and with all this going on, yes, I still loved him and toyed with the idea of taking him back which was a natural feeling then.

I came across the Chrysalis Centre where I was made welcome and found I had support and was able to talk. I also had counselling to help. Eventually I did the Freedom Programme. I soon become aware that he did not have mental health issues but that he was an ABUSER.  I would sit there and see so many things that he did, which like most women, would think was to a point the “norm” in a relationship were not the “norm”. This was the turning point of my life and divorce proceedings were put into place.

I may have only had the one incident of physical abuse but for years had the mental and verbal abuse.  So now looking back now, after doing the Freedom Programme, I see he was the dominator; the bully, the bad father, the headworker, the jailer, the sexual controller, the king of the castle, the liar, the persuader.

Finally, in 2011 I was divorced and that chapter of my life was closed.

Looking back through all the years of being with him I will say, yes, there were the good times and eventually more bad times but I know what I did was the right thing to do not just for me, but for my son too.

It was not easy to have to recall all the things he did wrong but now I see I did nothing wrong, I was a VICTIM! Some women are not so lucky and come off worse than I did and still do, but times are changing and more support is there for women.

Life was hard and in time things got better. I was able to stand up for myself and reclaim MY life. What I did learn from this was I will be NEVER be a victim, ever again.

My eyes are open and I see that domestic abuse is stoppable and women have the right to speak out and say NO!!

There are films and fairy stories that show happy endings, yes, mine is now only because of what I have done and achieved.

2014, Claire

@carolyn_hitt Hi Carolyn, can you DM us your email address please? We would like to invite you to an event of ours. Thank you, the WWA team.

About 3 days ago from WelshWomensAid's Twitter